I was sitting at the bar with Greg. Having a microbrew. The place was packed. The college crowd flocked to this hotspot. The beer was good. The music was loud. We were a part of that crowd. Young and on the prowl
In walked Liz and Angela. Both dressed in black mini-skirts. The accompanying bits of cloth also black. They spotted us and joined us. After a few moments of chat, they scampered off to entertain themselves elsewhere.
Greg turned to me and said, “Dude, you lit up like a Christmas tree when they walked in”.
“Did I?”
The moment has stuck in my mind for 30 years. That room was full of beautiful women. We had been surrounded by them and hadn’t paid much attention. These two stole the room. At least to me, they did.
Liz and Angela were both martial artists. Both extremely attractive. That certainly helps. But it’s their movement that keeps the attention on them. Neither swings their hips when they walk. They don’t flaunt their femininity. Yet it is there. Just in a different, stronger way. They walk with purpose and determination. Their movement says that they will get what they want. It says don’t mess with them.
I’ve heard many people describe Liz as intimidating. I’m sure it applies to Angela as well. Yet Angela is tiny and Liz is tall and lean. Neither possesses large intimidating muscles. It is just the way that they move that states this. And because so many people pick up on it I think that we have a deep-seated biological recognition of power through movement. To some men this is attractive. To other men this is repellant.
Over the years I have been able to observe the reactions of the dating prospects of the young women I have trained. Many of them puff up. Their masculinity is threatened. So most will go overboard in denying that this girl might be able to kick their ass. You can read it in their body language. You hear it in their words. They are likely not conscious of it but they do react. Other prospects keep their distance. It is the rare individual that will attempt to court these young ladies while not suffering intimidation. Yet that is where young men should be. They should be strong enough to rise to the challenge.
These young ladies find that it is hard to get a date if it is known that they train. Having picked up on this fact early on I neglected to tell young girls when they started training. I figured it was best to let them find out on their own. It creates a good filter for them.
I think that at the core this is a huge problem with our society. Men are not men. So they balk at any sign of strength in women. Instead, they seek out submissive women. Or they carry out violent acts to force submission. No strong man would do this. Strong men instinctually protect women. Weak men try to get what they can from them. We need to teach men how to be stronger. We also need to teach women how to be stronger. Stronger women force men to be their best. A strong man needs a women to contend with. Not a woman to dominate. Contending grows him as a man. Men seek comfort. But comfort kills. What they want and what they need are often at odds. That’s not to say a woman should not be a source of comfort and pleasure. It is to say that that is contextual. Men will always want the soft and sensual but only a wise woman knows which to be at any given time.
Strong men, at their core, desire strong women. They will protect them but at the same time support their strength. Both can be done. My wife is a black belt. she can fight if necessary. She’s also a woman. Being a woman she expects me to defend her even though she is capable. That would not diminish her strength. I’m less vulnerable. it makes sense that if an attack needed to be led that I would do it. And that does not mean she would not engage.
The corollary is true as well. Weak men want weak women. And if the women are not weak enough these men will try to make them so. Herein lies one of the biggest problems in our society.